A Letter To My Son On His 9th Birthday

I am writing this far past when I should have been asleep, but I couldn’t sleep at all. I was all set to do my standard watch old videos, cry at your baby photos and read thru all the past letters I’ve written to you. Then I had the horrible realization that this is the first birthday I won’t wake you up with our normal Beatles song, dance party, balloons, and a special breakfast. And I broke into a million pieces. It felt like the final blow in what has felt like my worst year ever as your mum. I had hoped after the year we all wish we didn’t have to endure, (2020 and honestly 2021 which was basically 2020.5) that I wouldn’t have to lament on all you have been thru. But yet again I am faced by the incredible fact that you have not only made it thru huge challenges but triumphed in so many ways.

You started 3rd grade, and it was mostly back to normal or I guess the beginning of new normal for us. I’m happy to report I was correct in my early letters. You are so incredibly smart, and eager to learn….even if you at times have your own methods, whether we like it or not. You were asked to join the gifted program but it just didn’t seem like the right move for you. You’ve finally settled into school and are truly content right where you are. You are blessed with amazing teachers who challenge you academically so you can continue to master the parts of school that aren’t about academics. Friendship and being part of the social environment is still something absolutely paramount to you. It’s hard at times watching you navigate this and staying the heck out of it, even though it kills me at times. I am trying to somehow help you understand you can’t please everyone, and that is okay and not a reflection of your worth

Learning to balance encouraging you to continue being your completely confident unique self and to also help you learn to find the place you fit in can be a challenge. I want to let you never feel the judgement, jealousy and discomfort that at times comes at you just for being unashamedly yourself, but I can’t. So instead I’m teaching you to never let others opinions, assumptions or cruelty diminish your bright loving soul. It’s hard to explain to you that no matter what you do, how you change or how much you try and be palatable there will be people who just don’t care for you…SUCKS SO MUCH ASS. Because frankly it makes my blood boil even though I know I’m being irrational and biased. But damn I was not prepared to dislike a freaking 3rd grader with such ferocity, especially as a grown woman. Listen I’m not proud of it ,but it is what it is, and I figure it’s just a qualification required as your mum.

I guess we will get to the stuff that makes me truly feel like I fell short as your mum. As you are well aware life completely changed for us as a family, for you, for dad and for our whole family. Since I saw you on that screen I knew you were my purpose, since you were put in my arms I knew you were what I wanted to excel at, and for the last 9 years no matter what I never felt like there could be any greater accomplishment than being your mum. Honestly being your mum was the only thing I never doubted I was kicking ass at (most of the time) but this last year I have felt nothing but disappointment in every way when it comes to being your mum. I’ve never been perfect, I’ve never known exactly what I was doing fully, but I’ve felt no matter what I was doing, that when it came to you I was doing something right. I’m so sorry and at times overcome with the knowledge I managed to mess that up. But the moment I feel that way, you come along with your wonderful, unconditional love and say words I don’t feel I deserve “I know you’re working so hard even when you really don’t like it.” “ I love you like you love me…no matter what…even when you won’t watch me play video games” When I feel awful that I can’t give you what dad can (no shade to dad he works his butt off and has built a career over many years with so much work and sacrifice) you don’t pout, you don’t point out dad could, or bat an eye about putting something you wanted back. It still sucks but it makes me know I’ve done something right.

I am so lucky to have a child who has the most loving, accepting and forgiving heart. You saw your family change, and because of YOU, daddy and I did what so many don’t, we didn’t just end…we restarted and built something new and in my opinion truly wonderful. We were able to not lose sight of our friendship, silliness, happiness, love, shit loads of sarcasm and unwavering senses of humor that made us want have you (and made surviving you at times) possible.

Because of your heart I knew I needed to only allow those who deserved to know your love into our life. We got lucky and found someone who helped complete our new life. Shane is my person, the one who actually wanted the full mess I am, the man I long ago decided couldn’t possibly exist but who I never stopped looking for. But after everything I couldn’t risk your heart. So when you instantly connected with him and made space for him, helped bandage a small part of his heart without trying, included him in our life and in your heart I was awestruck by you once again. You told me you wanted me to be happy since I make sure you are. So you heaped love onto him without knowing just how much it was needed, and someday you’ll know how much it truly meant. That is why you are so rare my love because the way you love others is so uncommon and special.

Oh G I hope someday you know how your very existence saved me. So so so so many times you have saved me and anchored me and made me find my center and keep going even when I felt . They are not all huge moments or events though. he day you were born, the countless moments that weren’t expected or momentous, and your unfailing love and belief in me thru forging this new path for you and me. No matter who comes and goes I know without a doubt you and me will stand thru any storm.

My sweet boy I continue to be awestruck by who you are. As I always remind you…NEVER stop being your wild silly self. Never let anyone make you doubt how special you are just as you are. I always dreamed of the young man you’d be, and then I was floored to see you were so much more, I don’t need to dream about the man you will soon be because I have absolute certainty he’s already amazing and will only get better. You are one step further from being my little boy, but I will always be here for you. Everything I dreamed of has come true, in you my love. I like to say you’re my dream come true, but the truth is you are so much more amazing than I ever knew was possible.

Happy Birthday Baby

Love, now and for all eternity

Your Mum

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A letter to G on his 8th Birthday

To my sweet GB on his 8th bday,

You might notice there is no letter for your 7th. Last year was one of the hardest years most of us have ever lived..you included. And you were a grade a butthead on your actual birthday. Like sent to bed and not allowed to have your gifts for two days level of butthead. I was so mad and upset and just drained that I refused to do it. For awhile I regretted it. But then I realized it was really on par with the theme of last year.

Last year sucked and this one has started off just as hard. You’ve gone thru so much since your last birthday. You’ve lived thru a pandemic and had your whole world shift, you watched as your dad and I decided to end our marriage. But instead of the meltdown I thought would come you rose up. You kicked ass in school, you made new friends, you helped me around the house and you made your dad and I so proud. You welcomed a new person into our heart and home and I know Steve feels blessed by the love you give him.

I keep thinking I’ve seen the best of you but you always amaze me. You are so kind to your family and friends. You do not sit by when you feel injustice or unkindness around you. You love math and art and your mind continues to blossom. I knew I would be raising a child I didn’t not know he would help me raise myself on so many occasions when I didn’t feel I could keep going. You are the driving force behind all I do, you are the reason my heart beats and why I smile each day. Sure you are impossibly stubborn but I blame your father for that.

I’ve read thru all my past letters to you, and like always it makes me cry. I read a part where I talked about being excited to see the young man you would become. And now he’s standing here in front of me. And all those dreams, all those hopes…they fell short. You are so much more than I ever dreamed. I am so proud to be your mama. So thankful you are mine. I know our challenges are not over, and you will now grow into a man. An amazing man. I love you with every fiber of my being, from now until eternity.

Happy 8th Birthday my sweet honey monkey

Love always,
Mum

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To my beautiful boy on his 6th birthday

Well it truly has been a year since I last posted on here. Apparently the only time I feel inclined to write is on the most special day of the year. The day my sweet honey monkey was born.

My Dearest GB,

Today you are six years old. I just read back thru all my letters to you. And it is so shocking that you are six! I swear I just wrote your first birthday letter! I swear I was just waking up to get you when you cried and figure out how to feed you in the dark. But here we are. You are six and so darn special.

I feel like you and I have truly had a year of bonding and a lot of harmony. You’ve been a bit of a challenge since you arrived in this world, but this last year we really hit our stride. You kicked butt at school, you made friends and connections and you dealt with another large upheaval like a champ. You handled everything that came your way! Way better than I did sometimes and you were a source of comfort and joy to me during this transition. I am so glad I have kept up writing you these letters and you can find your first, second, third , fourth and fifth birthday letters here to read anytime you want my love.

Five was a good year for you. You learned to read, you discovered a love of learning and creative play. You made some real lasting friends and found a great community to support you. We made it thru a rough time last year where I wasn’t sure what to do to help you. I was so scared you’d hate school forever that you’d never want to find those friends and that connection but you proved me wrong like you have anytime I’ve had a doubt. You are so wickedly smart is scares me. You mostly channel that into video games right now but you also blow my mind with your school work. You want a YouTube channel. Badly. We have a deal that when you wow me with an idea for one I’ll allow it. I have a feeling I’ll regret making that the condition sooner rather than later. That’s usually the case with you.

More and more I see the man you will be shine thru. You are loyal and fair, you are not afraid to show your love for people and to tell them often how much they mean to you. Which let me tell you is so amazingly rare. Always tell those who mean the most to you just how much you care for them.

You are dedicated to those things that inspire and interest you. Which is currently legos, books, Fortnite and Minecraft and the hypothetical YouTube channel you think I will give you.

You are so wild and silly. Just so so silly. You make me laugh and always want to include me in your games and make believe. Building forts with you is the best…even if they destroy my entire house. You are so inquisitive about things that blow my mind. You want to know it all and I love that. The other day you wanted to know how water got into our house. ❤️

This year we had your first real loss. We lost our dear sweet Flapjack. And I was shocked just how much it meant to you. I have always known you loved your sweet “jack jack” but I was not prepared to handle your grief with mine. But as usual you were the loving and compassionate kid you always are, you gave me and grandpa all your love.

You continue to be the very best of us. I am astounded you are mine and that I get to know and love you. Thank you for your unconditional love little man, daddy and I are so fortunate that heart loves us so.

Your favorite things are Levi and Casey and hanging with Gordon at the farm. You love riding your bike to the beach and chasing the birds. You think pool time is the best time and you love to have special days out with mama. Your favorite things to do are legos, drawing pictures and watching movies. You still love pizza, chicken fried rice and quesadillas but you’ve added cheese burgers, crunchy beef tacos and pho into your life. You still suck at sleep 😂

I can’t wait to see what six brings your way…you want to learn to play pool, try a sport and have a YouTube channel (not gonna happen 😂) but I admire your persistence on the issue. I hope that even though everything has changed for you recently I am able to build you a new and better home base full of many more special people.

I will always be here for you baby boy. You are the reason I breathe and the reason I smile.

“I love you forever, I’ll like you for always. As long as I’m living my baby you’ll be”

Love you baby

Mummy

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A letter to GB on his 5th Birthday

Well it’s time for my annual letter to my sweet honey monkey on his birthday. I just read back thru all the letters I have written him on past birthdays….so I am good and emotional now. Brace yourselves. If you would like to read those letters here is his firstsecondthird and fourth.

To my sweet Gb,

Happy Birthday baby boy! Although you are not a baby anymore and I promise I am working on accepting that. I wanted to sit down and write you this letter after having spent the day watching you being the wonderful little person you are. We had such an amazing time! We went to legoland and you were in your element. You talked to everyone, made them smile and delighted in life in the way only you can do. I am constantly in awe of you. So confident in who you are, so in love with the world and all the people on it. Every morning we walk to school and each day you greet and smile at every single person we meet. You have touched so many people in your short life and I know you will continue to be someone who reaches and loves people.

This has been a challenging year for you. So much change. We moved to vegas and you started preschool and then we pulled the rug out from under you. And it threw you. But here you are working on readjusting and getting into the swing of things to start kindergarten this fall. I am so proud of you. And I know we will keep tackling the hard stuff together because your belief in me has never wavered. You continue to come to me to fix all of life’s troubles and I am so glad that your faith in me and my abilities to be your mum and protector is just as strong as ever.

I know that I am not always perfect, and I still fall short time and time again. But I will never stop loving you, fighting for you and helping you grow. I can’t wait to see more of who you are becoming. Keep being your wildly silly self. You are still the best thing I have ever done.

Love,

Mum

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Scrumptious protein pancakes 

So I’ve eaten a lot of protein pancakes and most of them leave a lot to be desired. They either have super weird texture or taste like nothing. So after getting some Quest multipurpose I played around and came up with what I must say is a very tasty recipe. I hope you enjoy and tag me on Instagram (@franklytannith) I want to see your creations!

Protein Pancakes


Makes 4 pancakes

  • 1 scoop Quest Multipurpose powder*
  • 1Tbsp flour (I use regular or oat…I tried almond and didn’t like the texture of the pancakes) 
  • 1 tsp baking powder 
  • 1/2 cinnamon (or more if youre like me) 
  • 1-2 tsp stevia or sweetener of choice I used swerve too and it came out great 
  • 1 tsp vanilla extract 
  • 1 Tbsp melted grass fed butter or coconut oil cooled a bit 
  • 1 egg or 1/4 cup egg whites
  • 1/4 cup water or cashew milk 
  • Optional walnuts and dark chocolate chips (small sprinkle of walnuts and a few chocolate chips) 

Mix dry ingredients in a bowl then in a separate bowl combine and mix all your liquids. Whisk together until no lumps remain. I end up adding more water because it is better to have this batter runny I have found. The pancakes turn out way better with a runny batter. So I add a little more liquid at the end till I’m satisfied with the texture. 


I cook mine on our griddle at 350 until the under side is a nice brown. I top mine with a little butter and two tsp of coconut sugar as I don’t like syrup much. But if you are looking for a great sugar free syrup try Walden Farms although nothing beats just good ole fashioned Pure maple syrup on the rare occasion I do want syrup. 


I hope you love these as much as I do! I’ll be making some pumpkin pie ones come fall so hope you’ll show me all your fun variations. 

Tannith 

*note about protein powder I wouldn’t sub a different kind in here at the multipurpose is formulated for baking. So if you’d like to use another brand you might try looking for another recipe that you can do that with. 

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A letter to GB on his 4th Birthday 

The tradition I hope I never stop doing is this letter for my little guy. It’s always wonderful to read the past letters I have written to him and be reminded of sweet things I may have forgotten. If you’d like to you can read his firstsecond and third birthday letters. I will also probably go sob to some videos of him as a newborn at some point today. Just kidding….but not really. 


What is it about parenthood that makes you pray for time to both speed up and slow down all at once. I am constantly looking forward to who he will be and clinging to the baby he was. They tell you so much about parenthood but not how it will shape your heart and completely change how you love. But enough of that, this is supposed to be a letter to my sweet little dude.


My dearest Honeymonkey,

Today you are four. I think even typing those words is gonna make me cry. I can’t even believe it. It feels like just yesterday (oh hang on your doing something downstairs that has resulted in fake crying) I was sitting in a hospital wondering how I was gonna do this. How could I possibly get thru having a baby?! And even more insane how was I gonna raise you? It was like up until that point none of it was real and suddenly I was faced with the fact that I might not be good enough to have you. And I’m still faced with that feeling now and then. When I lose my temper but you still want to hug me and love me. I know in that instance I probably don’t deserve your love but lord I am so glad you give it to me. From the moment I saw you on that screen I loved you. Heck from the moment I knew what being a mum was I prayed that I would get to have a baby. And you are everything I dreamed of. 


You are wild, silly, smart, you love those around you so freely. You never shy away from making someone laugh. You love Thomas the train still but you have started to love superheroes (mostly Batman) and Ninjas. You still loath sleep and I’ve sort of come to accept that….okay not really. You like eating pizza, chicken fried rice and quesadillas. You will eat fruit all day long if I let you. You surprisingly like broccoli and you do not like mashed potatoes or ramen which makes me wonder about you sometimes 😜 


Daddy coming home is still one of your favorite things in the world. You love to run and giggle and play with him when he gets home. You love to come into my bed in the morning and have snuggles every single day and I love it too. It’s one of the best ways to start the day. You call your toes “finger toes” sometimes and you still call white “fwhipe” and that’s probably because I never correct you because I absolutely love it.


You confuse and frustrate me sometimes. And I see so much of myself in you. You talk a lot. And coming from me that must mean you talk a lot. You have endless amounts of energy and we are still working on the terrible two attitude at times. You are potty trained though (thank you lord!!) you sleep like a rock once your asleep, you know your Alphabet, you can count to 10 alone and 20 with a little help, you know your colors and shapes. You are so excited to go to school. You loved your swim classes even though you spent most of the time with your goggles on staring at the bottom of the pool. 


Basically I think you’re great. You are one of the greatest things that ever happened to me. You made me who I was meant to be…your mum. Thank you for all the love you give me, the joy and the laughter. You are forever my baby even as you edge one year farther away from being a baby. I can’t wait to see you grow more into the young man you will become. I love you immensely honey, now and forever. 

I love you sweet boy 

Mummy 

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The time to pay it forward 

I usually write something on my blog for my soberversary. Yesterday was five years since I got sober and while it’s still one of the single best things I’ve ever done for myself it’s so much a part of my life now that frankly I don’t have a silly list or funny way to celebrate it this time. I feel like now I want to use my sobriety and the fact that I’m not scared to say I struggled…I fought…I triumphed to help others. I want anyone and everyone I am around to know I am always here for them if they are struggling…if they are fighting and if they need somebody to celebrate their triumph. I feel a responsibility to use my past and my hardships to help other people now. I went thru it not as a punishment or because I’m broken but so that I could come out the other side able to be a an island for anyone caught in a storm. So if you need someone I am right here. You can DM me on my Instagram, you can email me at Forevertart1008@gmail.com. If you find a way to reach out and I will find a way to support you. Life isn’t meant to be gotten thru…you are meant to thrive.

To everyone who made me feel loved and supported these last five years and beyond thank you. I love you all so very much. 
Tannith 

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Saying goodbye to our home

Most of you know we’ve moved to Las Vegas. Which has meant trying to sell our house. The first home we owned together. And the only house GB really seems to remember. He has cried about wanting to go back to “texxhaaas” quite a bit and it breaks our hearts a bit to explain this is home now.


While selling the house has been exceptionally stressful and full of hurdles, today is the day of closing. Today is the day our home is officially someone else’s. It’s bittersweet. I am happy with our new home and I am excited to find our own place here. But I am sad to let go of something we worked so hard to get. That we worked so hard to make ours. A place we loved and laughed in. A place our son had so many firsts. I know it will all stay with me in my mind and memories. But it’s weird to say goodbye to a house. The physical representation of your family. The cozy little shell that contains and keeps all you love safe and warm. 


I hope the new family finds just as much joy there as we did. I hope our friends and neighbors welcome them the way they welcomed us. I hope the house becomes their home. 

We have been so blessed by our friendships I’m Texas. Thank you to all our friends who made our lives so much richer with your presence. I hope we get to see you soon. 


It rained the day we moved into our house on that April day. And it’s pouring today in Las Vegas the day we say goodbye. Seems absolutely fitting. 


Tannith 

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We moved…again 

Yeah I feel like this is like post number 8 about this 😂


So right after Christmas we left Texas and headed to Nevada. My in laws live here and the hubs got a great job offer. We thought it might finally be nice to be near so family. And so far it has been wonderful. GB is in heaven having even more adults to love on.


I’ve recently started working for my MIL so it’s easier now that I’m here. And frankly we just love Las Vegas. Aside from the unusual amount of rain we’ve had lately it’s been great to be here. Hiking and good food. Two things we can’t live without.


We miss our friends back in Texas terribly and hope for trips back and visitors to our new home once we’re settled.


I appreciate all of you who have reached out to us and wished us luck and given us love. ❤ we are truly rich with wonderful, loving, supportive friends and family.


I really should do a Christmas photo wrap up because we had absolutely blast with my Mum and Dougie there. 

Hoping everyone is having a great start to their year too. Are you moving or starting anything exciting this year? Leave me a comment and share your news with me if you want!!

Tannith

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Our trip to Sea Life Aquarium 

GB is getting older and it’s becoming not a complete nightmare to take him to do some activities. And he is generally well behaved when they are things that are geared to him. So with the grand parents in town we decided to head on over to Grapevine and check out Sea Life Aquarium

It wasn’t quite what any of us were expecting. It’s tucked into the Grapevine mills mall, which is huge. So if you want to go shopping, see a movie or eat before your aquarium trip it’s a one stop shop. Lego Land Discovery Center is also right there and we are planning a trip there very soon because it looks AWESOME. 

We arrived and bought our tickets quickly but you can purchase them online with a decent discount. They give you a neat little book that you can stamp at the 9 stations you encounter along the way. I was simply floored by how big this place is. I mean it’s in a shopping mall and it’s two stories and goes on and on.

GB had a blast and Tony wanted to sit there forever and enjoy the serenity of the water and fish. They had lots of benches along the way for my inlaws to rest on. We all thoroughly enjoyed it. I don’t think there was one thing that could have been better or been changed. The exhibits were exciting and it wasn’t too busy for a Saturday afternoon. 

I would highly recommend checking it out if you live close or are planning a trip this way. 

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